i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
