She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
