I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
