Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
