it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
