I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
