Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
