Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
