Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
why do cheetos always look like penises
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
