whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
