ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
