its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
