Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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