so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
