I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
