i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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