Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
