So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
