We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
