He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
