I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
