Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
