..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
