Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
