I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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