That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
