My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
