I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
