Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
