so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
