Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
