My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
