It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
