how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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