3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
