I hate all girls vehemently.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
