I'm really into asian looking animals
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
