tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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