i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
