cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize