Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
