____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
