So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
