I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Pooping to opera.
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