We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
