I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
