I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
