my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
