She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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