I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
