i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
