but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
