Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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