Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
