I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
