dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
