Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
