as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
