from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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