I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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