I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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