the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
