New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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