Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
