You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
