It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You ruined the universe
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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