just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
