you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I need moral support for this bender
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
