sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
