Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
