Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize