Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
