i already hear my dad disowning me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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