I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
