I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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