i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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