Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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